Fantastic Mentors and Where to Find Them
In the summer of 2022, I sat across tables and webcams, interacting with women of all ages and backgrounds. As part of diversity programs, we had been introduced to one another and thrust into each other’s arms, with the aim of building support systems and networks that would help us in our careers.
Some common themes we discussed were work-life balance (because, of course, women must have to think of their families alongside their careers), speaking up (figuring out the line between assertion and aggression), and mentorship.
I’d never considered mentorship that important in my life before business school because I’d always been raised to make my own decisions. I’d been raised to be independent and opinionated, and in the same vein, never felt like I couldn’t do something. However, as I sat in these meeting rooms and virtual breakout groups, I recognized how many women didn’t have that nurturing ecosystem and how they, in fact, didn’t know what they were capable of.
In my life before business school, I had not one, not two, but three incredibly fierce women mentors. They challenged the traditional idea of what a female employee had to look like — someone who did the cooking and household chores before leaving for an 8-hour workday, someone who spoke politely and kindly and only when called on, someone who was good at only clerical tasks and not high-level decision making. They gave me a real-life peek into what life for a female employee looked like as they traversed their careers, maneuvering misinformed expectations and taking sh*t from no one.
Good mentorship goes beyond the workplace in guiding one to believe they can have it all. You can look after your physical and mental health, have a social life, pursue additional hobbies, and still thrive in your career if you put your mind to it. My mentors went beyond being just my project managers to becoming my advisors, life coaches, and friends for life.
A recent study revealed that only when people see other people who look, think, and dream like them in positions of power do they believe that it is possible for them too to aspire to such heights. They are validated in the presence of that individual; they are seen.
The truth of the matter is that these mentors don’t simply exist; they need to be sought out. Their doors need to be knocked on, and they need to be informed of the value they carry. Mentor-mentee relationships, like any significant relationship, must be tended to and cared for. Both parties must hold up their end of the bargain because there is so much to learn on both sides.
In my first stint as a mentor, I had to shake off a rather excessive overcoat of ego. I had to become comfortable with the idea that someone younger and less experienced than me knew more than me and that, in some ways, she was better than me. I had to recognize that in mentorship, there is no angle of comparison and that the highlighted success metric is overall growth.
Growing up in a hyper-competitive society, as I believe that many of us did, I visualized a narrow ladder and women climbing on top of each other to rise higher. My success metric was top ranks and unreasonable benchmarks of popularity and dexterity, not recognizing how much I could learn from the women who were different from me until much later.
Today, I encourage you to visualize a large pond with many lily pads. Some have fully bloomed, contributing to the ecosystem of the pond, making for rather appealing optics. Some are in the process of figuring out where they would like to bloom, what location in this enormous pond is best for them, and where they feel like they can get the most sunlight and resources. Nonetheless, in due time, they will all have encountered the life span of exploring, evolving, and blooming to their full potential. There is room to bloom for all of them.
My mentors taught me that I could do anything. They supported me when I quit my job at a time when the team depended on me so that I could build a career for myself. They considered me not only as an employee but as an individual with a potential for impact.
Finding the right mentor may take some time and effort, but once you find a fantastic mentor, it will be worth the while.
- Build your network and form connections.
- Attend events and conferences to find people you resonate with.
- Send out emails and connection requests to people whom you identify with mentor potential.
- Have a clear agenda of what you want from them and the kind of value you can derive from their mentorship. Remember — quality over quantity.
- Be brave enough to find people who will validate your dreams but also tell you what you need to hear.
Knock on their doors because they are also waiting for you.
This Women’s History Month, I raise a glass to the women who raised me, and to those who find me capable of raising them.
